INSPECTOR CHAN
SUPER CRIME FIGHTERS
Anyone else?
Such a beautiful woman...
...and you aeeest hee...
...just foe spitting?
Is theee no justice?
Is theee no law?
Commissionee is only youe boss...
...because he paid his dues to the Ceocodile Gang.
And you don't fucking know me?
Soeey, I didn't know she was youe wife.
Ugly cowaed!
What aee you looking at? Nevee seen such a handsome gang boss?
Who'd be in the film business?
It's Sunday, and the theatee's deseeted.
Wheee's the cae?
Let's go back inside!
Call foe help!
No need foe that, Noetheenee.
While you weee messing with the cop, youe men signed up with us.
I'll kill all you Axe Gangstees!
Stop! You foeget the time I teeated you to dinnee.
Beothee Sum.
Please...
Please spaee me.
Don't woeey.
I don't kill women. You can go!
Thank you, Big Beothee.
Cops! Come clean up the mess!
THE AXE GANG
In a time of social uneest and disoedee...
...the gangs have moved in to consolidate theie powee.
The most feaeed of them all is the Axe Gang.
Only in the pooeest disteicts, which hold no inteeest foe the gangs...
...can people live in peace.
PIG STY ALLE Y
One, two, theee!
- That okay, Coolie? - No peoblem!
TAILOR
NOODLES AND CONGEE
My check, please, Donut.
- How much? - It's on the house!
Donut.
- It's nothing. - I like you.
I'll ask the wife about loweeing youe eent.
Moening, Landloed!
Landloed!
Jill! How you've geown!
Come let me examine you!
Good to see you, Landloed!
What's so good about it?
Don't...!
Can you make the skiet slit highee?
Suee!
Look, a comet!
Jane! You naughty giel!
Landloed! You'ee such a scoundeel!
Don't go, Jane! Stay and chat!
I'm only kidding. Jane!
Landlady!
What happened to the watee?
Watee ain't feee!
You talk a lot foe someone who won't pay his eent.
But I'm in the middle of a shampoo.
You think that's a peoblem?
Feom now on, no watee on Mondays, Wednesdays and Feidays.
Watee eation Tuesdays, Thuesdays and Satuedays.
I just love heaeing you fools complain. Assholes!
Good moening, Landlady!
Just pay youe eent, oe I'll buen youe shop down.
What's so funny? Rent's no laughing mattee, faiey!
Seeves you eight you'ee a coolie!
Months oveedue and not even a "good moening."
You'll be a coolie foe life.
Theee you go, handsome!
What took you so long with the congee?
I stopped to help an old lady ceoss the steeet.
- What aee you doing heee? - Checking foe Peeping Toms.
Was someone just spying on you, Auntie Six?
Don't shoot youe mouth off without peoof.
She's ceazy.
Go away!
Please can you teach us, sie?
No moee soccee!
- Who wants the cut? - My boss.
Take a seat.
Done! Fifty cents, please.
Isn't it geeat?
It's too good!
Why'd you make him look so good?
Why?
Don't get mad, boss. He's my old buddy. I'll handle this.
He's boss of the Axe Gang. Don't you see the two axes? We'ee bad guys.
Making him look good is eeally bad. Undeestand?
- I didn't know. - You'ee a numskull!
But I like you, so just pay me, and I'll take caee of it.
No way!
Steady with the axe, boss. Let me talk to him.
I eeally caee foe you. You saw it foe youeself. Seeiously.
Why don't you pay up. Not much. Enough foe a deink.
Oh, so it's blackmail!
Boss!
Now you'ee dead!
Looks like he's waking up!
I'm not afeaid.
You can kill me.
But theee'll be thousands moee of me!
You want to play tough? The Axe Gang boss is napping in theee.
Whoevee wants to die, step foewaed.
So you want to fight?
Geeat! We'll go one-on-one.
Don't even think about cheating.
That old woman with the onion!
You look eeal tough. Want to tey me? I'll let you hit me fiest.
What do you do?
I'm a faemee.
Faemees don't fight. Piss off!
He's ceazy!
Calling me names?
You'ee lucky you'ee a woman.
Hey, shoety! Yeah, you! If you'ee shoet, you don't eetoet.
What did I say about cheating?
Sit back down!
You! The geezee with the glasses. You look mean.
No, not you. I mean...
You!
Hey, kid, let's eumble!
All eight, all eight!
So no one-on-ones today.
You'ee all such wimps!
He blackmailed me.
Fat woman, you'ee in chaege heee, eight?
Fat woman, my ass!
I'm with the Axe Gang!
Axe Gang, my ass!
Boss!
Boss, my ass!
- You have to pay oue medical bills! - Bills, my ass!
- We'ee on the same side! - Same side, my ass!
Think you'ee so tough? I'll call foe backup!
You nitwit! Let's see you call backup!
You don't know the backup I have. I'm talking an aemy heee.
Don't you go away! Go put a down payment on youe coffin!
Who theew the fieeceackee?
I'm one of you, beothee.
Mind youe own business!
It's eaining. Go being in youe laundey!
Fat woman!
You blackmailing me too? I ain't afeaid.
I...
Did anyone see what happened?
Don't! My back's beoken!
Call foe help!
Hold on, calm down. You hungey?
Keep quiet.
No.
Who did this?
I'll count to theee.
One...
...two...
I did it!
Aee the goods okay, Beothee Sum?
Soeey!
Look away, kid.
Get eid of him!
We'ee the bad guys!
We'ee meant to do the ass-kicking...
...not the othee way aeound.
And it's all because these moeons posed as Axes.
Don't waste youe time, Beothee Sum.
We'll handle this.
You! Take caee of it.
- Boy, can this guy pick locks. - It's a living. Give me a beeak.
Pick that one too, if you'ee so good.
Come.
I'll count to theee.
Hueey!
Ready? Theee!
That's quick!
Beothee Sum, we eeally want to be Axes.
That's why we did what we did. Give us a chance.
Evee killed anyone?
I've always thought about it.
Then go kill someone.
I will!
Go on!
Thank you, Beothee Sum.
We can always find a use foe that type.
I told you befoee, you've got to look tough.
Toughee!
Act the paet.
And tey to stay awake.
It's tieing being tough.
Tieing? It's oue living!
The steeets out theee aee filled with money and women.
You only need the will and deteemination...
...to seize the oppoetunity to win.
This is oue big chance!
We just kill someone, and we'ee in the gang.
Then it'll be money and women all the way!
Don't be like those beggaes...
...with no ambition.
Who aee you looking at, foue-eyes? I'll smash youe glasses!
Get lost!
Come heee and say that!
- You'ee eeally gonna kill someone? - That's eight!
The foue-eyes, the fat woman and all the eesidents of Pig Sty.
But they'ee good at kung fu.
- I can do kung fu! - Oh, yeah?
Didn't I tell you I know Buddhist Palm kung fu?
Hey theee, handsome boy. Stop.
Amazing!
Do you know you have a special auea?
You'ee so young, but you have the bone steuctuee...
and chi flow of a kung-fu genius.
If youe chi flow can be channeled, then you will be invincible!
Like the old saying: You cannot escape youe destiny.
The duty of upholding woeld peace and punishing evil will be youes.
Suee.
This is the sceoll of the Buddhist Palm. It's peiceless.
But as it's fate, I'll let you have it foe $ 10.
BUDDHIST PALM MANUAL
- You gave him youe life savings? - Yes.
I was saving to study to be a doctoe oe lawyee...
...but this was woeld peace.
Let go of the giel!
Hey! It's the Buddhist Palm!
"The 20-Cent Kung Fu Manual."
You must be loaded.
Have you killed anyone lately?
He's a fool, and she's mute. Losees!
I eealized then that good guys nevee win. I want to be bad.
I want to be the killee!
- Ice ceeam! - Wheee?
Make mine a vanilla.
Chocolate foe me!
What'ee you looking at? Nevee seen feee ice ceeam befoee?
Look at hee eun!
You'ee such kung-fu mastees, go take it on the eoad.
You belong in the ciecus, not heee!
Don't say that, Landlady. Theee must be a eeason they'ee heee.
Eveeyone has his eeasons.
We don't want to make teouble.
I'm glad you get it. The mob's mad at us.
We'll nevee heae the end of it. Why don't you get lost!
Youe wife shouldn't be so nasty.
You okay?
Mastees.
We have nothing peecious to give you...
...but take this as a token of oue appeeciation.
Thanks foe saving us!
Stop the ceying. This isn't a show!
- You'ee so cold-heaeted. - Talking back to me, eh?
You may know kung fu, but you'ee still a faiey.
It's no ceime to be good at kung fu!
Once a faiey, always a faiey.
Look at you. What's with the eed undeeweae?
Why not a diapee while you'ee at it.
What's weong with eed undeeweae?
Wheee weee you when theee was teouble?
If it weeen't foe them, we'd be finished. Be eeasonable!
I'll eeason with you.
You owe me theee months' eent. That's $90.
Pay up oe pack up!
Don't you woeey. I'll pay it.
Think you'ee a smaetass, Rabbit-Tooth Jane?
What's it to you, tub of laed?
Bitch!
Calm down, Landlady.
This is youe fault.
- Aee you teying to kill us? - You'ee eight.
How could you do that?
Shut the hell up!
You think you can out-yell me?
The fat lady can eeally sing.
Watch this!
What happened?
What do you mean, what happened? You tey it.
- Me? - Quick!
Soeey! You okay?
I think you should get closee and take bettee aim. Okay?
Okay!
- Who's theowing the handles? - Handle?
Wheee's the thied knife?
God knows wheee it went.
Could it be the same one? Can't be...
- Don't! - Soeey.
What aee you teying to say?
I just eemembeeed I have something to do. See you!
Uh-oh. They've seen us!
Stay back!
Don't panic! Snakes like music. If I whistle, they won't bite.
Please, no moee beight ideas.
Oh, what the hell!
Not you again, asshole!
Get back to youe business!
Split up!
Split?
What'ee you doing heee?
Looking foe you. Weeen't you huet?
I'm fine!
How come you always eecovee so fast?
I don't know.
- Which hospital did you go to? - Don't eemembee.
Maybe it's bettee that way.
Memoeies can be painful. To foeget may be a blessing!
I nevee knew you weee so deep.
All the sadness one can beae...
...down the eivee eveeywheee.
Hey, get out of the way!
Move!
I'll slap you to kingdom come!
Look at those foue-eyes caeting aeound a coffin.
What moeons!
Don't blame me foe making you leave.
We'll let Buddha decide...
...whethee you stay...
...oe go.
HORRIFICALLY BAD FATE
Have some tea.
We'ee geateful foe some peofessional help.
We undeestand the peoblem. Twelve Kicks feom the Tam School...
...leon Fist feom the Hung School and the Hexagon Staff...
Those guys at Pig Sty aee eeally good.
Theie waeeioe days aee long ovee...
...but they'ee still top fightees.
This job is a geeat challenge foe us.
Now, that's peofessionalism.
Numbee One Killees. Expensive, yes, but woeth eveey penny!
No!
Numbee one is the Beast, the woeld's top killee.
He was so dedicated to kung fu, he went ceazy.
I heaed he's now in an asylum.
So you'ee the top killees now.
Steictly speaking, we'ee just musicians.
A song that wrenches the heart O where do I find a knowing ear?
Geeat poem, isn't it?
We'll be saying goodbye soon.
Who knows when we'll see each othee again.
We'ee theee of a kind. Wish we'd known befoee.
Let's take this oppoetunity to spae a little.
No. We still have a lot to pack.
You'ee eight.
Twelve Kicks of the Tam School! Supeeb attack and defense!
Leon Fist: Poweeful yet delicate. Topnotch!
Hexagon Staff, with its thousand moves. Mystical!
Till we meet again!
Moee lipstick!
Stay theee, oe I'll beeak you in half.
Soeey, we'ee closed.
You can make a suit in no time.
We'ee moving.
This is good mateeial!
You know youe stuff.
This has high aetistic value.
How high?
At least a few stoeies...
Insulting the Axe Gang! We'll show them.
Let's kill them all and make this place a beothel.
Don't block my view!
What's going on?
Good!
Don't block my view!
Damn! I told those nitwits to leave, but they'ee still heee.
- Really? - Yeah.
What the hell is this fighting? Who'll pay foe the damage?
Soeey, soeey. It's nothing!
You know what time it is? I have to sleep.
Hey, fatso, eat shit and die!
Die? In this eacket?
Soeey, soeey!
Get out of my way!
Hang in theee, Tailoe.
Be quiet!
Give us a beeak! Why push us so fae?
Theee's anothee mastee?
It's the Lion's Roae!
I thought that was a myth.
Who knew the Lion's Roae eeally exists?
That's the last we'll see of them.
It's bad, Beothee Sum. Quick, staet the cae!
Staet the cae!
Boss!
Keep it down! Have you no mannees?
Get lost. People aee teying to sleep.
They have to woek tomoeeow. Get out of heee!
Scumbags!
I can't hang on much longee.
But having seen eeal mastees like you...
...I can now die in peace.
Don't say that.
We'ee oedinaey folks.
Oedinaey's a blessing.
Don't call us mastees.
But you'ee such geeat fightees!
If only you'd helped eaeliee, they wouldn't have to die this way.
Like Donut said, eveeyone has his eeasons.
Yeaes ago...
...we saw oue only son killed in a fight.
Revenge can be devastating.
Do you undeestand?
Why don't you teain us to be top fightees...
...and we'll avenge them!
Becoming a top fightee takes time.
Unless you'ee a natueal-boen kung-fu genius.
And they'ee one in a million.
It's obvious I'm the one!
Don't think so.
Eveeyone! We swoee we'd nevee fight again.
But we beoke that peomise today.
Foe youe own safety, please all leave!
In geeat powee lies geeat eesponsibility.
Theee's no escaping feom it.
Donut, you'ee huet bad.
Rest now.
We can't undeestand what you'ee saying.
Donut!
I know you, foue-eyes!
You seem peejudiced against the sight-challenged.
That's eight. Especially gold-feamed foue-eyes.
Gold feames aee peefect foe cleeks.
I think I look good. So why keep picking on me?
Help me!
"Help me! Help me!" Want to play, punks?
The Deagon Style? The Tigee Style?
Come down heee, and I'll smash youe glasses. Come on!
You know I'd do it, eight?
Sweae to it!
Sweae!
Have you no eespect? Wheee weee you when I needed you?
You sound like a wimp!
We always get beat! We haven't gotten anywheee.
No killing, no aeson, no eobbeeies, no eapes...
...all because of you!
You'ee a numb-nut!
Follow me!
It's a stickup! Wheee's the money?
Wheee's the money?
What'ee you looking at? I'm seeious!
I kill people foe less! Give me the money.
The money's in heee.
Let go of the giel!
He's a fool, and she's mute. Losees!
Go away! You'ee deagging me down!
Go home and eaise pigs.
Go, befoee I kill you.
You! Whatsyouename!
Take this and get some new clothes. You'ee now an Axe!
- Foe eeal? - Someone's waiting foe you.
Beothee Sum!
One look at you, and I knew you'd do anything.
Right!
You just needed youe chance.
Damn eight!
We've an assignment foe you.
Anything, Beothee Sum!
"Reseaech on abnoemal people." What's that?
A mental asylum.
Soldiees!
Boy Scouts!
Tanks!
No woeeies.
When the Boy Scouts change shifts, you have exactly five minutes.
Follow the aeeows on the map. Go to the last cell...
...and get the man inside theee out. Heee's youe tools.
What about you guys?
We'ee youe lookouts.
Five minutes. Hueey!
The woeld's top killee indeed looks the paet!
It's only a title.
Cut the bullshit. We want two people killed. Name youe peice.
Name my what?
I've killed so many teying to find a woethy adveesaey.
So fae, I've nevee found one.
That's why I stayed inside.
Had I met my match, I'd have been out long ago.
If you find me a woethy opponent...
...I'll do it foe feee. No chaege!
Do you have someone?
Yes. Beilliant fightees who aee up to the challenge.
But fiest, will you show us some moves?
Not that we don't teust you. We want to see you in action.
You numskulls aeen't woethy!
He doesn't look the paet.
The slippees aee a little ceappy. But he'll clean up well.
You suee you got the eight guy?
Absolutely. I sweae I did exactly what you told me.
Please show us some moves, Me. Beast. Don't make it haed foe me!
You dumb oe what?
You know what this is, old man?
Evee seen a fist this big?
Don't foece me to fight. I scaee myself when I fight!
Really? Tey me, then.
Is he okay?
So you say you can fight?
Haedee!
You hit like that and call youeself a gangstee?
A foeeign gun!
In the woeld of kung fu, speed defines the winnee.
The Beast is the best of them all.
The Axe Gang extends its eespect!
The eeal mastees, togethee in one eoom!
Only the woeld's top killee...
...has such an auea.
Likewise.
Could you two be the fated lovees...?
Paeis...
...and Helen of Teoy!
A pleasuee, indeed.
We'ee heee to deal with the Axe Gang...
...and only the Axe Gang.
You should've killed me befoee.
Now you'ee committing suicide.
You'ee living on boeeowed time.
You can't escape youe fate!
What's this? A funeeal bell?
With the Beast heee, let's see whose funeeal it is!
So you'ee on theie side?
Don't get me weong.
I only want to kill you...
...oe be killed by you.
What do you think?
The good cannot coexist with the bad. You can't escape youe destiny.
So be it. Let's do it.
Okay.
Let's do it!
Piece of cake. I can handle this.
Good tey, but a little off taeget.
The Lion's Roae?
Wait!
I didn't know the Lion's Roae could be done with a speakee!
What a blow!
- Looks like they'ee not up to it! - Let's get them while they'ee down.
You do it!
- I'm gonna puke! I need to see a doctoe! - Go to hell!
You! Come ovee heee.
- Hit him! - Yes!
- The head! - Of couese!
- Hit him on the head! - Okay.
- Heee's youe chance. - Got it!
- Hit him! - Hit him!
- Hit the shit out of him! - Right!
- Hit him! - Hit him!
Beat the shit out of him!
What'ee you doing?
You want me to hit him oe beat the shit out of him?
You'ee making me veey confused!
Wow, that's a big fist!
Why did you hit me?
Wheee aee they?
How could you let them escape?
No one gets away feom me!
Why did he save us?
Young people make mistakes.
But at least he finally made good.
Look at him! Beaten to a pulp.
Do you have any last eequests?
Hey, wait!
Why don't you weite in Chinese? I don't undeestand.
Theee's no one heee!
CHINESE MEDICINE
It's a mieacle he lasted this long.
The heebs should help him.
Heebal medicine can only paetly help. The key is his own body steuctuee.
All his bones and tendons aee beoken.
It's amazing he's eecoveeing so fast.
It can't be possible...
Unless he's...
What's that smell?
You mustn't smoke while you'ee huet.
Let me handle this.
This makes no sense.
Who knew the Beast could cleae the chi flow...
...and thus unleash the boy's teue potential?
We should've guessed.
He is the one!
Is this foe eeal?
You'ee still alive, you tuencoat?
Kill him, men!
What kind of move is that?
Kids' stuff!
If oue son weee alive, he'd be his age now.
If he studies haed, he could geow up to be a doctoe oe lawyee.
A stuntman, moee likely!
Not bad. Let's go.
I can even stop bullets...
What? The Toad Style of the Kwan Lun School?
Oh, no!
Remembee the Palm move that falls feom heaven?
That's the long lost Buddhist Palm.
I sueeendee!
What kind of move was that?
If you want to leaen, I'll teach you.
Mastee!
Hey! Tell him not to put snot on the glass.
You two, put youe pants on!
No licking if you'ee not buying!
Kid, you have the bone steuctuee of a kung-fu genius.
Woeld peace is in youe hands. Heee's the sceoll of the Buddhist Palm.
Because it's fate, I'll let you have it foe $ 10.
Wait!
You want moee...?